With only four episodes left of the Colbert Report – DON’T LEAVE! WE’RE NOT READY! – you can be sure Stephen will be having some pretty awesome guests on to bring his amazing nine year run to a close. So if there was ever a time to have a charming, powerful, and controversial figure, this would be it. No, I’m not talking about President Obama – though he was a guest earlier this week. I’m talking instead about Smaug. Yes, THAT Smaug!

The “King Under The Mountain”, with armor like tenfold shields, teeth like swords, claws like spears, a tail like a thunderbolt, and breath like death joined Stephen for a heart warming burning interview. There’s no real way to react to this interview other than: “Holy Sh!t, was that beautiful!” So let’s just take a moment to appreciate how beautiful this interview with “the last great fire drake of the Third Age” was.

From bursting down Stephen’s set to torching the entire studio, Smaug showed why he’s such a tough interview. Thankfully he didn’t eat Stephen like some of his past interviewers – he’d already filled up on the ladies of The View. The two even shared some political views considering they both “live in gated communities and are fiscal conservatives”. Though as for Hollywood, DO NOT get him started on the other Dragon role-models out there. From talking smack about Khaleesi’s children on Game of Thrones to calling Toothless from How To Train Your Dragon “Ball-less” for being a slave to children, Smaug prefers things old school.

Smaug also shares some thoughts on that “hack Cumberbatch” – who is the voice of Smaug – as well as his knowledge of the film There Will Be Blood when he reveals that’s he’s the one who takes and “Drinks Your Milkshake!” As for what it was like filming the Hobbit, Smaug threw in some quick jabs at costars Orlando Bloom and Martin Freeman, while also revealing that a lot of it isn’t real. Apparently, they just put him in front of a green screen and fill in the rest. Speaking of things needing to be filled in, it turns out Smaug’s never even read The Hobbit – SO NO SPOILERS!

“I spent most the movie reciting lines to a tennis ball on a stick, and im not even talking about Orlando Bloom” – Smaug

Stephen on the other hand is a HUGE Tolkien fan. In fact, I’d even go as far as to say the greatest Tolkien fan. Long time fans of the show have seen his knowledge in action when he’s quoted obscure passages and races from the pages of The Silmarillion. In fact, he even had a walk on role in The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug and hosted The Hobbit panel – in costume – at San Diego Comic Con earlier this year. Though no matter how learned Stephen is in the way of The Hobbit, he forgot the most important rule:

“Stephen, did my people not tell you?… Never laugh at a live dragon, Mother F#@ker!” – Smaug